The Rut on the Hill

So I'm getting into a bad habit of just staying up until I'm tired, not doing homework until it's too late, not eating til I'm staving, pretty much just procrastinating my life away. Today I got home, after 9 hours of not eating, made myself veggie burger cheese fry and some Pappalo's pizza snacks (which are 7003x better than pizza rolls), and fell asleep. I sat down at the computer to start my Group 4 Lab Design which was due last Monday and finished half an hour ago. I told myself I'd be in bed by 10 tonight, but I'm guessing that I'm gonna try to learn some more flamenco guitar techniques before I give up around 2. I just feel like a bunch of vomit, well placed but nonetheless still a big half-digested lunch-dinner.

Sorry, I'm straying. Anyways it's the last week of the quarter and I still have to finish the work I haven't turned in and try to muster up an A in all my classes, even though, I'm getting a B or a C regardless. I just hope my parents are as apathetic towards my grades as I am.

At the same time, I've found that I'm really very happy. I love Lauren, and I've never been so hopeful for what my life is going to be like. Yes, we're in high school and its my first relationship and I'm going to college next year... but this girl is so special. And after a rough year of dating her, I'm fully confident she's the one.

Girls are so strange, I really feel like I understand you, even though I don't. Unlike guys, you actually think and consider and care... I envy you; you have it rough.

Well, while I'm rambling, I've noticed that of all things which I use on a daily basis, the most frustrating of all is the computer. Who ever is writing windows and microsoft can shove it. I'm even gonna capitalize their names, that's how much I hate them. Quit just updating my computer and shutting it down while I'm solving the mysteries of the universe!

Well, I'm sorry this post kinda sucks, my focus was lost amid the actual typing process.

Here's a song that makes me feel normal; I feel like a fool on a hill, and I'm stuck in a rut, and I'm standing still.

Just to be safe, I'll insert this pill.
I'll crawl on the floor, I'll sit on the sill.
I'm falling like flood, I'm dripping with blood
And my heart is a fountain that's caught in a trill.

So I Apparently Now Write in my Sleep... Great.

So I vaguely remember doing this in the middle of the night, though, I have no idea what I was thinking or why this was worth writing. Maybe someday I'll figure out what it is I'm even saying.

I'm calling it "Sleeping for Two", it just seems to fit.

~Sleeping for Two~

Two dreams hope for divination
So that both may lay. Like banks
Torn by life's dead current, We
Yearn to stop the rain and drain
The pain that sustains the Death.
It cools; is not everything the same?
How sick life lived in castles stained...
In vain we reside--despite what our ear
And our eyes say--we remain half-hearted.
I fancy soft finger tips; like kisses
Burning breathless and cocaine on the
Lips. It comes--drugs to suppress our
Innocence, fire flies and scratches
Upon the throne of beauty, no time
For spaciousness, we've no place to go;
No roads to walk--it goes.
Who knows? See my open sores;
Practice closed and share the swine.
I'll pray in blue and green and say the name.
This is how we rest for eternity.
Two feet deep; still asleep.